Resolutions are like goals – they keep you moving forward and provide some much needed motivation when the going gets rough. I love them. January usually feels like the perfect time to push that “re-do” button.

New year’s resolutions get a bad rap, though. Most people say something like this, “Yeah, I have a resolution. I’m going to lose weight and be a better person.”

Well, who wouldn’t want that?

The problem is that when we make vague resolutions or goals, chances are that we will not accomplish them because 1. they are not measurable and 2. vague leads to a lack of motivation.

This year, try making your resolution a little differently by using one of these ideas:

1. Specific, time sensitive, measurable objectives

Be realistic, but be definite. No wishy-washy business here. Make one or two (don’t go overboard) specific goals that you can measure. Try making one for July 2012 and another for December 2012. And remember to set up a reward for when you meet your goal!

This year, one of my objectives is: Complete three triathlons by December 31, 2012. It is specific (triathlon), measurable (I either finish or I don’t), and time-sensitive (by December 31^st).

2. Word (or theme) of the year

For some, making specific goals, like in example 1, seems too constricting or pressured. Maybe you are looking for this year to FEEL differently. Or, maybe you want to focus on improving one specific aspect of your life. Choosing a word (or theme) is a great way to give you focus, learn about yourself, and ensure that this year will be different from all the years in your past.

For example, when going through a rough part of my life, I chose the word JOY. I knew that I had some rough days ahead, but wanted to learn how to live a joyful life, even in the dark moments. I used that word like a lamp post, guiding my decisions, my feelings, and my thoughts. This year, my word is FUN!

3. Vision board

The vision board is a great way to get a feel for what you want 2012 to be. If making time-sensitive goals scares you, or you are unsure what theme will arise in 2012, go for the feel-good visual of the vision board. It’s a fun way to set your ideas in motion, just by focusing on the images that feel good to you.

If you want an example of a vision board, visit my facebook page. My 2011 and 2012 vision boards are there.

Joy is the culmination of the previous three practices. Without the first three practices, joy is just another “to-do” item on your list. The first three create the dept in which you can fully express and live in a place of joy. This joy is what others see as authenticity.

So, if you find yourself just going through the motions of the things that should or used to bring you joy, but don’t any more, check in with your practices of honesty, bravery, and perseverance.

And, most importantly, make sure you are actively participating in your life and giving yourself opportunities to experience joy. Think, what was the last thing you did – on purpose – to experience or express joy? I’m not talking about spontaneous moment of unexpected joy. I’m talking about something you did, planned in advance, to feel joy. If you can’t remember the last time you were joyful on purpose, put it in your calendar for this weekend.

“Courage does not always roar. Sometimes courage is the little voice at the end of the day that says I’ll try again tomorrow.” – Mary Anne Radmacher

I’d like to finish with a favorite quote of mine by Maya Angelou…

“Courage is the most important of all the virtues, because without courage you can’t practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage.” – Maya Angelou

What I think she is saying is – if you find yourself living in chaos, this is inauthenticity in action. The way to live authentically is through the practice of courage. To practice courage, pay attention to how you are honest with yourself, the kind of psychological bravery you show yourself every day, your commitment to faith and the depth of joy you experience.

Faith is a result of motivation. This is your big WHY. Faith is the practice of moving forward, despite the obstacles.

It is the ability to seek a goal in spite of any obstacle.

To do this, we must understand that the ends justify the means.

Have you heard the saying “2 steps forward and 1 step back?”

At The Journey Center, I have a newsletter that goes out about once a month. The title of it is “3 Steps Forward.” The idea is that if we are really in touch with our WHY, our motivation, our passion, there will be no stepping backward.

Lets do a mini version of an imagery exercise I use with my clients who get stuck.

Get comfy in your chair, take a deep breath and close your eyes. Take a moment to see you goal. Feel your goal. Touch your goal. Now, put it out there in the distance. Take a few steps toward it. Notice how you feel as you walk toward the goal. Suddenly, you find yourself face to face with a huge brick wall. What do you do? Maybe you move sideways, maybe you pause, and maybe you blast a hole through the wall. Whatever you do, you know your WHY is out there, waiting for you. You do everything EXCEPT move backward.

Every step or pause is OK. There are no backward steps – as long as you are learning as you move.

Now take another deep breath and open your eyes.

When we are really in touch with WHY we do what we do, we are able to then make decisions from a place of empowerment and clarity – and move beyond the wall without moving backward.

This is how the women through history were able to do huge deeds – like staying on their seat in the bus, being the first woman leader of a country, and flying to the moon. They knew WHY they were alive. As long as they kept their eyes set on their WHY instead of the WHAT or HOW, they overcame unimaginable obstacles.

We have to know the WHAT and the HOW in life to make courage a practice. That is the first step. But, these are only guideposts. Like indicators for how we’re doing. The WHY is what keeps us moving forward along the path. The WHY is the energy source that feeds faith and enables us to overlook the obstacles, no matter how big or small.

“We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face…we must do that which we think we cannot.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

I will not waste your time talking about physical bravery – like the movies. Here, I want to talk about psychological bravery. It is the decision to change. Not the actual change, but the decision to do so.

Let me tell you about Samantha.

Samantha was just a little girl – about 7 or so – when her parents divorced. That divorce led to a downhill experience for her. Abuse. Neglect. More abuse. Seeing violent acts and being a victim of rape. She was truly trying to live a life of love and joy. She was passionate about helping others. She became a nurse, got married, had two lovely children. But life still wasn’t unfolding the way she knew it could. Her marriage was crumbling and she was on the verge of losing her job. Instead of giving in to the divorce and unemployment and the dread of continuing to live in the darkness of depression, she called me. She came into my office and before I could even ask her name, she started sobbing. I don’t think either of us said more than a couple of words in that first session.

That was her point of bravery. She was honest with herself about needing help, so she mustered up the bravery to ask for help. I will say that she is doing wonderful now – happily married, enjoying her job, and being one of the best loved nurses in her area.

This is one extreme example of psychological bravery. Not everyone will have this kind of decision point. Most of us will have a decision point like the one I made several years ago when I started to learn what it meant to live authentically. A simple decision to make things different.

“Sometimes the biggest act of courage is a small one.” Lauren Raffo

I had that realization several years ago. On the outside, I looked like a pretty productive and effective young adult. I had a job, friends, family, a dog, and all that.

As a healthcare practitioner, I LOVE people. I want to make them happy and see the best in themselves. So, to do this, I was kind of a chameleon. To my family, I was the mediator. At work, I was the go-to girl with all the answers. To my friends, I was the soft shoulder to cry on. In my relationship, I was the strong one. To my dog, I was the master who provided safety and security.

All of those things sound wonderful, except each corner of my life (my family, friends, work, clients, etc) knew a different version of me. I was something different to everyone.

It was exhausting!!!

After some soul searching and digging, it was brought to my attention that I was living an inauthentic life. I wanted everyone to know ME as I knew ME.

So, I did some research about women in history who really lived an authentic life. I wanted to be like them.

Indira Ghandi.

Rosa Parks.

Christa McCauliff

Clara Barton

Harriet Tubman

Susan B Anthony

Frances Perkins

Eleanor Roosevelt

Julia Ward Howe

Delores Huerta

Victoria Woodhull

Mary Walker

Amelia Earhardt

I wanted to be confident in who I am, knowing that I am enough for whatever situation may come my way.

In my research, I found one common denominator.

COURAGE.

On first look, I decided that surely, that wasn’t what creates authenticity. Doesn’t make sense, does it?

But, on further reading, COURAGE is exactly what each of the women used to create authenticity.

What is your definition of courage?

Who is your role model of courage?

At first, my definition was much like the movies show us. Think about Braveheart, Star Wars, Harry Potter, etc. The main characters are courageous. Surely it is more than overcoming physical danger.

Courage is the quality of mind and spirit that enables us to face difficulty.

It is the way we prepare ourselves for an unknown future. A practice, if you will.

There are different types of courage:

Physical Courage – enduring pain or hardship (like in the movies)

Moral Courage – the ability to act rightly in the face of opposition, shame, or discouragement

In Western culture, courage is the pivotal virtue. All other virtues rest on this one quality. To posess any other virtue, you must be able to sustain it in the face of difficulty.

Courage is not something that you can call on, in moments of need or an emergency. It is not something that can be completely handed to you in a lesson. It is a way of life. Like a habit.

Courage is a matter of routine, not a series of deeds.

For example,

A mom who resists giving goodies and spoiling her children shows courage.

A family who tills the garden, unsure if this season will bring enough rain or sun to bless the seeds.

A student who is bent on following her dreams.

“Courage is very important. Like a muscle, it is strengthened by use.” – Ruth Gordon

Although I cannot dink you over the head with my magic wand (which, by the way, I do use in therapy and give you the quality of courage, you can start with these 4 practices of courage.

And I stress that word, PRACTICE.

The four practices of courage are: honesty, bravery, faith, and joy.

First, lets talk about Honesty.

Honesty has to do not only with telling the truth to others, but looking at the truth within you.

Lets do a quick exercise I use a lot in my seminars and day retreats.

Value Evaluation

Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle of the page so you create two columns. On the left hand column, title it WHAT. In the other column, title it HOW.

In the WHAT column, write down your top 5 values in life. For me, my top five are creativity, connection, faith, service, and growth. Yours might include family, friends, work, organization, money, etc. Whatever comes to your mind first. Don’t think about it too much.

In the column on the right, write down three ways you regularly express those values in life. For my top value, creativity, I am a musician, I am learning how to turn wood, and I use creative out-of-the-box solutions for problems.

The goal of this exercise is to find the values that mean the most to you and to check if you have engaged in them recently (like, daily).

If you haven’t engaged in the HOW, then you know that authenticity is not happening right now, and you know WHERE it is not happening. It’s a simple test to see what you need to add or take away from your life to make it what you want it to be.

If you want the expanded version of this exercise, leave me a comment below and I will get you a copy of the whole worksheet. It goes through your top 15 values, labels them as level 1 and 2, and adds in the third step of courage. I think this is so useful, I’ll even walk through it with you

The Holiday Halt: an indulgent 4 hour experience filled with strong women, mindfulness, and peace.

Come re-focus your heart and mind on what is important during this busy time of year. Consider it a gift to yourself – a gift of focus, clarity, peace, hope, and love.

December 10, 2011
Agenda:
12:30   Coffee and Tea gathering
1:00     Ritual of Opening
1:30     Holiday Mindfulness (facilitated by Sybil R Smith, LPC)
3:00     The Gift of Meditation (facilitated by John Lewis, LMT)
4:30     Closing Ritual

The location is still being negotiated. It will be posted as soon as it is confirmed.
Registration: $35.00. Click Here to register.

As a therapist, I know how important it is to have support from friends and family. I want you to grow with them, not separate from them. Please sign up with a friend and save $5 off each registration fee! To get the discount, email me HERE and request the friend discount.

Just a head’s up: there will be some pretty cool give-away prizes at this event (FREE massage, coaching, and more…)! Make sure you register early to reserve your seat.

If you have any questions, please call or email.
423-408-8041
sybilRsmith@gmail.com

The thing that was still coming up the most for her was the idea of really letting go of her ex-husband, as he used to be. She recognizes that they both have changed, and are not the people they once were a decade ago. She said to me, “but the thoughs keep coming up!” She misses him.

I totally get it. She missed the man he used to be. The man she married.

I tell you this story because I hear it all too often. We get attached to things and people as they are. Then time goes by. Then THEY change. We struggle because we did not change with them.

What do we do when we recognize that we are hanging on to the old version of (fill in the blank person or thing here)?

There is a little journaling formula I use. It is a simple series of 8 questions.

1. What is your favorite memory?

2.  What do you regret?

3. What are you proud of?

4. What are you thankful for?

5. What did you learn?

6.  How are you different now?

7. What new directions in life do you see now?

8. What two things will you do in memory of this loss and letting go?

These questions are designed to help you think and feel your way into the present moment, seeing the reasons why to let go of the past.

Write out the answers to these 8 questions. Then, burn them. Yes, light that paper on fire. There is something very therapeutic about a good flame.

It is a visual symbol of you letting go of the inaccurate and unhealthy constructs you were holding on to.

This Summer Slump is the perfect transition time for us. The new school year just began, and the busy holidays will be here before we know it. There is no better time than NOW to reevaluate and commit to creating your best year yet!

Take these three steps over the next week or two. You will find yourself more focused and have more energy to finish the year out strong.

1. Take a good look at the goals you set for yourself in January. Don’t just look at how far behind you are, or feel the doubt that they will get accomplished. Evaluate them with kindness. What obstacles got in your way this year? Are these goals important to you now? Your preferences and circumstances can change a lot in 6 months. Don’t judge. Just evaluate with kindness.

2. What one small step can you take today that will move you closer to your goal? By small, I mean seriously incremental. For example, my goal is to run a ½ marathon this year. The one thing I can do today to get me closer is dig out my running shoes from the back of the closet. See how incremental that is? This is more about planning and moving forward consistently than about jumping in all the way with wild abandon. Then tomorrow, what is the one small step you can take to move a little closer?

3. Celebrate your successes. When we are children, we have many people celebrating our existence on a daily basis. This helps us grow. As adults, we HAVE to do this for ourselves if we want to continue to grow and move forward. Take some time to recognize the goals you have accomplished and the hard steps you took to overcome obstacles. Celebrate these accomplishments within yourself, or better yet…throw a party! Don’t you love those kinds of parties? The ones for “no good reason?”

The truth is this: healthcare practitioners phase in and out of the field every 7 years, on average. That’s not a lot of time in the field! It’s just long enough to get your feet wet. My guess is that this statistic is the same for other caregivers…teachers, nurses, and moms.

We move out of healthcare after that magical 7^th year because of compassion fatigue. By that time in our career we have been formally educated, been in practice long enough to realize that our formal education was inadequate, and then we “hang in there” as long as possible before the dam breaks due to stress and fatigue.

There are 7 contributing forces to compassion fatigue in life…

1 Work-Life Balance is out of whack

2 Goals and expectations are unclear for the caregiver

3 Organizational structure adds stress to caregiving, rather than taking stress out of it

4 Lack of education and training to keep up with the rapidly changing expectations

5 Weak support system that does not allow time to download, decompress, and de-stress

6 Compensation does not reflect effort or positive outcomes

7 Career no longer meets the needs of caregiver due to caregiver growth and development

These forces sneak up on us, gradually over time, until we notice that we are…

Tired, stressed, aging too early, experiencing health problems, exhausted, late to work, experience the Sunday evening dread (or panic that yet another week is about to begin), agitated with the smallest of details, impatient with difficult clients, and generally unmotivated in more than one area of our life.

The important thing is to be vigilant about the signs and symptoms and then identify the major contributing force.

Take a look at the list above. Which of these contributing forces are present in your life today?

Can you see how, if given the opportunity to continue, these forces could force you out of a career and life you love?

Compassion fatigue can not only be treated, but prevented!

Check out the Solace for the Soul Day Retreat happening in October. It is a great place to start healing the compassion fatigue you already experience AND prevent it from taking over your life.

As caring people, we often get carried away caring for our clients, patients, families, students, and our community. While caring for others, we must take a little time for ourselves – to replenish the love we so willingly give away. When we give all that we have to give, without refueling our tank, we experience burn out, caregiver fatigue, and an overall loss of passion for our life. Our life is a true gift to the world; the world needs you to be at the top of your game!

We will use four building blocks of life to refuel your tank: mindfulness, music, meditation, and movement. So, come tap in to your creative self, find release for tension, and leave with a refreshed sense of inspiration for creating your life the way you want.

This time, in episode 3, we will be blessed with music (of course), mindfulness, John Lewis’ meditation practices, and Jen Darrow’s Tai Chi class. All in one convenient day, close to home! This is the perfect time to find that deeper connection with yourself…before the busyness of the holiday season hits. Wouldn’t it be great to be grounded, focused, and feeling alive during this holiday season? Wouldn’t it be great for THIS to be the year you finish strong?

The details:

8:30 am Coffee and Registration

9:00 am – 11:30 am Meditation and Music

11:30 am – 1:00 pm Lunch, catered

1:00 pm – 3:30 pm Movement and Mindfulness

Cost: $80 per person (includes catered lunch, yummy snacks, materials, and lots of learning Receive a $10 discount if you bring a friend!

Location: There is a quaint little historic site on the side of Hwy 126 at the edge of Kingsport. It will be the perfect place to feel safe, cozy, and connected to ourselves. I will update you with the address, directions, and all that jazz when you register.

How to register: Simply click on the coaching tab, add the Solace for the Soul Day Retreat to your cart, and you’re done! I will send a “final details” email one week before the event – containing directions, food choices, etc.

I look forward to seeing you soon! And if you bring a friend, I’m giving you AND your friend a $10 discount! Because we all know that women grow stronger…together.